My Version of The Bane Chronicles
by TheDeathlyAngel
Summary: Hi everyone! This is my version of the Bane Chronicles! I haven't actually read the real ones! The sentences in Bold are actual quotes from the book! So I just threw them in there! Each chapter will be a new story from the Bane Chronicles. Please read! I hope you like it! Please R
1. Chapter 1

Hi everyone! Please read! This is my version of the Bane Chronicles! I haven't actually read the real ones! So... Yeah. The sentences in **Bold **are actual quotes from the book!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Characters! Or the stuff in **Bold **that honor goes to Cassandra Clare and Sarah Rees Brennan.

Enjoy!

What really happened in Peru

**Time was like the rain, glittering as it fell, changing the world, but something that could also be taken for granted. Until you love a mortal. Then time became gold in a miser's hands, every bright year counted out carefully, infinitely precious, and each one slipping through your fingers.**

Mortals were so delicate, sometimes I feared they would just wither away under my touch, for they died so easily. I needed a distraction, something to get my mind off of Mortals, a vacation perhaps.

Magnus sat down on his couch, when an envelope appeared in the air and floated to the ground. He picked it up and read it. It was Caterina Loss needing his assistants, she was in Peru.

"Ah, excellent! Off to Peru then. Ragnor! Oh, Ragnor!"

Ragnor stuck his green face around the corner, his hair was messy but you could see the two horns on his forehead and his eyes had no iris. Magnus didn't know why certain warlocks got certain marks. If Ragnor went out in public people would run in the other direction, but Magnus could hide the fact that he had no navel and most people dismissed his eyes as contacts.

"What?" Ragnor said none to kindly.

"We're going to Peru!" Magnus laughed. **He'd learned his lesson a long time ago: Even in the midst of heartbreak, you could still find yourself laughing.**

"Why? We just got here."

"Well we are in need of a vacation... And Caterina just sent a letter." Magnus waved the letter in the air. "She needs our assistance right away. So pack your things were going to Peru!"

Magnus and Ragnor had finally packed their suitcases. They were standing at an percular looking door, it was bright orange with signs all around its frame.

Ragnor knocked, nothing happened. So Magnus decided he would knock, but he didn't stop until finally it opened. And Caterina stood behind the door, with her blue skin and snow white hair.

**"The letter I received said you had need of my particular talents, but I must confess that I have so many talents that I am not sure which one you require." **Magnus said, Ragnor rolled his eyes and Caterina smiled.

"It is nice to see you to, Magnus. And Ragnor what a lovely surprise. I call for one and two come." Caterina opened the door wider, "Please, come in."

"What are you doing here, Caterina?" Ragnor asked.

She turned to look at him, "In Peru? Well I've started a tiny business fortune tellings, tea readings and people bring their sick here, I like to help the unwell. One day I want to work in a mundane hospital."

"Well I'm glad one if us is doing something productive with our Immortality." Ragnor looked at Magnus, but he was not listening but touching a crystal ball.

Suddenly Magnus stood up, nearly knocking the crystal ball. **"Picture this," said Magnus. "Me with a little monkey friend. I could teach him tricks. I could dress him in a cunning jacket. He could look just like me! But more monkey-shaped." **He creased is brows together.

"Can we go to a Monkey Jungle?" Magnus asked innocently.

Caterina smiled, "There is one not far from here, we could go tomorrow, I have a client coming soon."

**Hours later**

"I'll have to put a glamor on you Ragnor, I don't want to frighten my customers. Magnus? Could you please glamour Ragnor? I have to glamor myself. I think you'll be fine though." Caterina walked off.

Magnus walked towards Ragnor with a mischievous grin on his face. Ragnor saw it and said, "If you turn me into a female or do anything weird, **I will find you," Ragnor told him. "I will find whatever chest of absurd clothes you have. And I will bring a llama into the place where you sleep and make sure that it urinates on everything you possess."**

Magnus was shocked, "Not my clothes!"

Magnus and Ragnor started arguing about llamas, clothes, glamors and urination.

Caterina was in the front with a client and heard the racket, **"Don't fight in front of the client, boys." Catarina implored in her sweet voice," or I will knock your heads together so hard, your skulls will crack like eggs"**

They both stopped.

A day had past before they finally got to the 'Monkey Jungle' as Magnus called it. Caterina and Ragnor were talking while Magnus tried looking for all the monkeys, he was very keen to make one his pet.

"Wait here you yappers, your making to much noise. How am I suppose to catch Bananas if your being loud?"

"Bananas? Why would you want to 'catch' bananas? When you can simply be normal and get them from and shop?" Ragnor asked.

Magnus wanted to slap him, "Bananas, is what I called my pet Monkey!"

"Now who's being loud?" Caterina smirked, "Go catch Bananas then. We'll wait here"

Magnus scowled and walked off. He'd been calling for Bananas for awhile and nothing happened. So he sat down on a rock and rested.

Suddenly something jumped on his back and started pulling his hair, he stood up and suddenly there were hundreds, there were monkeys everywhere! And none of them looked friendly.

"Naughty Bananas!"

They all jumped on him at once, Magnus quickly thought up a spell to rid himself of the monkeys. He said the carnation and when he opened his eyes they were gone.

Magnus walked back to Caterina and Ragnor, always looking over his shoulder. He finally found his way back, Caterina only smiled.

"Where is Bananas?" She tried to look behind Magnus. "Were you not successful in retrieving him? Or did he go to pack his things and told you to pick him up later? Did he have family?"

**"Pardon me, but we did not have the time to exchange that kind of personal information," Magnus said. "I could not have known! Moreover, I wish to assure both of you that I did not make any amorous advances on female monkeys." he paused and winked. "I didn't actually see any, so I never got the chance."**

Caterina rolled her eyes and started the journey home. Ragnor though looked confused, Magnus put an arm around him an pulled him forward toward Caterina.

"Perhaps we should get a drink? I think we could all do with one. Caterina! To the closets bar!" Said Magnus gleefully.

"Haven't you had enough for one day?"

Caterina turned around, "Ragnor is right. You look like you were eaten be an elephant an then spat out. We should go home."

"Just a minute!" Magnus vanished.

Caterina threw her hands in the air, "Now where is he going now?"

Magnus appeared ahead of them with clean clothes. "I am ready! Lets go, Caterina lead the way!"

**/Ragnor looked very regretful about all the choices that had led him to his being in this place and especially in this company.**

They had arrived at the bar and Magnus was already drunk, they say at a table and Magnus kept ordering alcohol, his pocket seemed to be an endless pit filled with money.

Suddenly Magnus said, in a drunken voice, **"I rather wonder what I am doing here. I enjoy city life, you know. The glittering lights, the constant companionship, the liquid entertainment. The lack of sudden monkeys."**

"Ah, so the monkeys did attack you?" Quipped Ragnor, "I wish I was there to see it."

"Yes! Yes they did, satan little creatures. Oh well. Ooo... I'm going to order something for you guys. Ill be back!"

"Maybe we should go?" Caterina inquired to Ragnor.

"You'll never get him to leave if e doesn't wan to leave. If you do he'll turn you into a pumpkin. An that's not a very nice feeling." Ragnor stirred his drink in boredom.

Magnus arrived back smiling, "You'll love what I have ordered for you! It'll be delicious."

"Magnus," Caterina said in a calm voice, "Should we not be heading home? It is getting late, and I think you've had enough adventure for a lifetime."

**"I can't get enough adventure," Magnus said lightly. "And adventure cannot get enough of me." **he took another sip of his drink.

"Woo.. That's enough."

"Fine! But not after you eat your meal!"

Magnus woke up the next morning with a pounding headache, that's one thing being a Warlock didn't help, no spell to get rid of hangovers.

Caterina walked in at precisely that moment, "How are you feeling?"

Magnus squinted, "Like I've been hit by a heard of stampeding elephants. What happened last night? I wasn't that drunk."

"**Magnus, you were trying to flirt with your own plate."**

**"I'm a very open-minded sort of fellow!"**

**"Ragnor is not," Catarina said. "When he found out that you were feeding us guinea pigs, he hit you over the head with your plate. It broke."**

**"So ended our love," Magnus said. "Ah, well. It would have never worked between me and the plate anyway."**

"Anyway after that we walked home and when we got to the desert you ran in it, **You told us to leave you in the desert, because you planned to start a new life as cactus," Catarina said, her voice flat. "Then you conjured up tiny needles and threw them at us. With pinpoint accuracy."**

"I don't remember any of that." Magnus tapped his head, "I remember Ragnor telling me that he did not like boats because they made him seasick, and then I preceded to joke about his green skin. It was all quite funny." Magnus looked up at Caterina.

"Yes well, Ragnor isn't pleased with you."

"Where is he?" Magnus questioned.

"He has gone walking through town."

"I will make it up to him! Ill go and find him right now." Magnus got up, "Well tohdaloo."

Magnus walked threw town and could not find Ragnor, so he stopped and looked at some of the street shops. One was filled with different instruments, Magnus couldn't help himself, he bought one.

Magnus portaled himself a little up a mountain and started playing the instrument. He had been playing it for ten minutes when he heard footsteps, Magnus turned his head. And Ragnor came around the corner.

"Ragnor! There you are, I was looking for you. Do you like my instrument?" Magnus held it up, "Isn't it lovely music?" And he played the instrument for Ragnor.

**"I wouldn't call that an instrument of music," Ragnor observed sourly. "An instrument of torture, perhaps."**

"Don't be ridiculous!" Magnus played some more.

Suddenly it sounded like a stampede was coming down the mountain. Ragnor and Magnus quickly jumped up on a high rock and peered down.

And a pack of llamas came rushing down. Magnus and Ragnor looked at each other and jumped off the rock.

"That was your fault, we nearly got killed by llamas!"

**Magnus was sure that the llama stampede he witnessed was a coincidence. The llamas could not be judging him**.

"Come on! Lets go home." Magnus said in a chirpy voice.

They had finally got home, after Magnus decided to play for dozens of streets, Ragnor had decided that his ears were about to fall off.

Then he had to play for Christina. After he finished **Ragnor** **and Catarina both begged him to give the instrument up. Random strangers on the street begged him to give the instrument up. Even cats ran away from him. **

When he had played on the street and asked what the stranger thought he yelled, **"It is worse than you can possibly imagine! When you play, all of my mother's flowers lose the will to live and expire on the instant. The quinoa has no flavour now. The llamas are migrating because of your music, and llamas are not a migratory animal. The children now believe there is a sickly monster, half horse and half large mournful chicken, that lives in tha lake and calls out to the world to grant it the sweet release of death."**

So Magnus tried dancing but apparently he was just as bad. So he put a glamor on himself and then every loved him, they clapped and sung and danced with him.

But then the glamor dropped. And you can probably guess what happened next, so Magnus went home.

But of course he got side tracked by a male, black hair and when he turned around he had purple eyes but in certain light they looked rich blue.

The man came with Magnus with great reluctance and after a street Magnus could tell they were being followed. So he portaled himself and the black haired man to Caterina's shop.

Magnus told everything that had happened in Peru while he was there to this man. "I think I dislike Peru, I mean it has its good qualities."

And suddenly the door slammed open, "Mr President!"

Magnus looked at the man across from him in horror. The man slowly stood up, "I'm in here." The President of Peru turned to Magnus, "I have heard you play your god awful thing you call music I have seen you dance horribly, I have seen you disgrace my beautiful country."

Magnus pointed at him, "You lied! You said you were an ordinary person, you said you sold shoes! Your the President?" Magnus lunged for him, but the bodyguards stopped him. **Magnus had a list of favored traits in a partner-black hair, blue eyes, honest... **So Magnus flicked his hand and The Presidents cloths came off. All of them.

The President looked mortified, the bodyguards shocked and Magnus satisfied.

"Magnus Bane, you are banned from Peru!" And the President left.

I hope you liked it! Please review!

Review Review Review!


	2. The Bane Chronicles

**Disclaimer: Bold and Characters and everything!** are owned by Cassandra Clare and Maureen Johnson

Enjoy!

The Runaway Queen

**Vampires, fey folk, werewolves, Shadowhunters, and demons - these things made sense to Magnus. But the mundane world - it seemed to have no pattern, no form. Their quicksilver politics. Their short lives...**

Magnus was on a train to Paris, but he kept getting distracted in his own mind.

Finally the train stopped, and Magnus departed grabbing his tiny suitcase. Paris was beautiful, the fashion fascinating.

That's why Magnus liked Paris because **In Paris one could have the eyes of a cat (as he did) and tell people it was a trick of fashion.**

Magnus walked through Paris trying to find suitable enough sleeping quarters for himself. Paris was beautiful. **Oh, the universe had outdone herself. The universe would be sent flowers.**

It was some years after he was banned from Peru, but he still felt the urge to have a pet Monkey, for** It really was getting difficult to be wonderful. **And Magnus thought having a Monkey would do the trick.

Magnus had always loved coincidences, they were like gifts sent by an Angel. He smiled as he saw a Monkey walk across the street. He caught up to the monkey and it stopped to look at him.

**"Hello," Magnus said to the monkey. The monkey did not reply. "I shall call you Ragnor."**

**How generous the universe could be, when he wanted to be! **He took the monkeys hand and walked to his sleeping quarters. He was given a key and he walked up to his room with Ragnor the Monkey.

Once he was inside Magnus found a Butler. His name was Claude. They were discussing Ragnor the Monkey.

"Oh! I almost forgot. **I'll need you to get a leash for my monkey, Claude, and also a hat."**

**"Of course, monsieur"**

**"Do you think he needs a little coat as well?"**

**"Perhaps not in this weather, monsieur."**

**"You are right," Magnus said with a sight. "Make it a simple dressing gown, just like mine."**

**"Which one, monsieur?"**

**"The one in rose and silver."**

**"Excellent choice, monsieur."**

"Thank you Claude, ill pay later."

**"Are you, monsieur, a man of your word?"**

**"It really depends upon the word," Magnus said. "There are so many wonderful words..."**

Claude had left and Magnus had received the clothing for Ragnor the Monkey that same day.

One e Magnus had finished dressing Ragnor, Claude had brought up a letter. It was from the Vampires inviting him to a party.

He sighed, **One did not turn down an invitation from Saint Cloud. At least, one didn't if one wanted to continue living contentedly in Paris. Vampires took offense so easily - and Parisian vampires were the worst of all.**

So he dressed immediately and left taking Ragnor the Monkey with him.

When he stepped outside **It was a bit warm. Still. If one could look this fabulous, one had an obligation to. One should wear everything, or one should wear nothing at all.**

Magnus thought Ragnor needed the walk so they walked the couple of streets to the party. The most peculiar thing was that the party was at the Queens sleeping chambers.

Magnus did not want to know what the vampires had done to have a party there.

He went got to the door man and he was speaking Swedish. **Magnus had tried to learn seductive phrases in all languages, but the only Swedish he had ever really needed was, "Do you serve anything aside from pickled fish?" and "If you wrap me in furs, I can pretend to be your little fuzzy bear."**

But he didn't think any of that would help him in this situation. When he was at the door the Swedish man gave him a pile of pamphlets and pushed him through the door.

After he had read all the pamphlets he needed a quite room for Ragnor and himself. The pamphlets were about the Queen. **There was no way possible [the queen] could have done all of the things the pamphleteers claimed. The crimes were too gross, too immoral and far too physically challenging. Magnus himself had never attempted half of them.**

Finally he found a room, but when he entered he saw the strangest thing.

"**Someday," Magnus said, looking at the crumpled royal person at his feet, "I must write my memoirs."**

Magnus felt the obligation to save this helpless Queen. But **It had been a whim, and there was nothing Magnus attached more importance to than a whim.**

He looked out the window to see if there was a way out. There wasn't.

Magnus quickly grabbed the Queen and Ragnor and portaled himself to the rooftop. He had to hurry.

What could take them away? Ahh! That hot air balloon in the air. He portaled himself, the Queen and Ragnor the Monkey into it and portaled the other people onto the ground.

"**When one steals a flying balloon and animates it to fly over Paris, one should, ideally, have some idea how said balloon normally works.**

Stealing the Queen. Ha! What an idea.

**It was a very bad idea. It was a terrible idea. It was the worst idea he had ever heard. It was irresistible.**

**Hello! I'm not sure if I should continue this story. So if you want me to write the next Bane Chronicle please review! Good or Bad I love reviews and appreciate them very much! **


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer! I own nothing**

**Vampires, scones and Edmund Herondale**

Ah, London. It was a beautiful city, was it not? He was summoned by the Shadowhunters in London, they needed his assistance with a certain matter.

Magnus looked around the room, bored with the meeting he was currently in. When a man walked in, Magnus stared.

"**Excuse me, Bane?" said Roderick Morgenstern. "Are you attending?" **

**"I'm so sorry," Magnus said politely. "Somebody incredibly attractive just came into the room, and I ceased to pay attention to a word you were saying."**

He had blonde hair but **the most remarkable thing about him were his eyes. They were laughing eyes, at once both joyous and tender: they were the radiant pale blue of a sky slipping toward evening in Heaven, when angels who had been sweet all day found themselves tempted to sin.**

Magnus turned to Roderick, "May we take a break?" He raised his eyebrows.

"Certainly." Roderick jumped up from his seat and headed toward the Blonde man.

Magnus watched carefully, as they conversed. Then the Blonde one looked at him curiously and nodded at Roderick.

Magnus turned away and got up. He walked around paying attention to every little detail.

#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#

The day had ended and Magnus decided o retire, when he heard a knock at his door. Magnus sighed.

It was raining outside, not uncommon Weather for London. Magnus opened the door.

And there stood the Blonde from the meeting today. Shaking from the cold, with a wretched look on his face.

"And what may I do for you?" Magnus inquired.

**"No fewer than four of my esteemed elders told me I was on no account to ever converse with you, so I vowed that I would know you. My name is Edmund Herondale. May I ask your name? They reffered to you only as 'that disgraceful one-warlock show." **

Magnus tried to look offended, "Disgraceful? I have been called many thing that were more accurate like, Amazing or Magnificent. But you may call me Magnus. Magnus Bane."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr Bane." Edmund said.

"Please, call me Magnus and the pleasure is all mine, Edmund."

Edmund Herondale was the first Herondale, Magnus had ever met and he did not disappoint. When Edmund had told Magnus that he had vowed to know him, Magnus was pleased.

He was beautiful, with his golden blonde hair and blue eyes that shone.

#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*

**"I shall never eat duck again. I cannot believe I used to like duck. The duck betrayed me." **Edmund said in a serious tone.

They had just finished a meal and were now walking the streets of London.

Edmund was telling Magnus about the women he was in love with, and Magnus could tell it was the type of love one never came back from.

The problem? She was a mundane and The Clave wouldn't allow her ascension.

**"I thought of love as a game. It is not a game. It is more serious than death." **Edmund continued, "I love her, she is more beautiful then anything I have ever laid eyes on. Her smile lights up the world and her laugh contagious.

Her not allowed to ascend crushed me, I couldn't live without her. I'd have to leave the Shadowhunter World to be with her." He looked at the ground sadly.

**"One can give up many things for love, but one should not give up oneself."**

Edmund looked at me thoughtfully, "**Without Linette, I might as well be dead. I was born to be a warrior, and I was born to be with her. Tell me how to reconcile the two, because I cannot!"**

Magnus stayed silent.

"She will not allow me to give up being a Shadowhuter, so it should be easy. should it not? but why then do i feel empty." He looked up at Magnus, "She needs to see sense, that it is not crazy that is driving me but love. But I'm afraid it would be a massive task, nearly impossible. She is very stubborn."

"I will help you!" Magnus said delightfully.

Edmund looked at him, "Why? Why would you help me?"

**"I have very few rules in life, but one of them is to never decline an adventure. The others are: to avoid becoming romantically entangled with sea creatures; to always ask for what you want, because the worst thing that can happen is embarrassment but the best thing that can happen is nudity; to demand ready money up front; and to never play cards with Catarina Loss."**

Edmund looked behind Magnus with a contorted look on his face, Magnus turned to see a Demon.

Magnus sighed, "You cannot go and kill that Demon if you are going to leave the Shadow world, it is not your duty and you could get killed."

Edmund looked at Magnus incredulously, "But how? I...I cannot just stop! And I haven't left the Shadow world yet." He pulled out a Seraph blade, whispered its name.

**"Very well," Magnus said. "Let us pause for a moment and consider—Oh, you have already run off Splendid."**

Edmund had jumped onto a carriage, jumped down and started to fight the Demon, the carriage door was starting to open when Magnus rushed over.

**"Ma'am," Magnus said, advancing. "I must counsel you not to exit the carriage while a demon-slaying is in progress."**

The lady opened the door anyway, Magnus turned to see Edmund had finished the Demon off and was walking towards them.

Magnus turned back to the lady, she was beautiful. Pale skin, soft blonde hair in ringlets around her face that looked like an angels.

Until she flashed her fangs, stepped out of the carriage and attacked Edmund.

Magnus quickly ran over and stopped it all. Edmund was perplexed, he had done nothing to her and yet she would kill him without a second thought.

**Vampires bore a grudge longer than any technically living creatures, and whenever they were in a bad temper, they expressed themselves through murder.**

The lady did not like that Edmund had used her carriage for a 'Boost'.

But Magnus had solved it all, by asking the vampire lady out for a night out. She smiled sweetly.

"I'm Magnus Bane and my young friend here you just tried to kill is Edmund Herondale. And may I ask your name?"

"Camille Belcourt. And what a interesting friendship, a warlock and Nephilim child? I'm surprised as I ever could be."

Magnus offered his arm to Camille, "Should we be on our way?"

"That would be lovely Mr. Bane." Camille said in a sultry voice.

Magnus turned to Edmund, "We will meet again soon?"

Edmund nodded and disappeared into the shadows his blonde hair the last thing Magnus saw.

#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*

Magnus liked Camille very much and she had told him that she fancied him to.

"Are you flirting with me Bane?"

"**Flirting? We were merely indulging in a little risqué conversation," Magnus said, offended.**

**"When I begin to flirt, I assure you the entire room will know. My flirtations cause sensations."**

"Show me how you flirt, for I like you. And I wish to spend more time with you."

**Magnus had been alive hundreds of years himself, and yet the simplest things could turn a day into a jewel, and a succession of days into a glittering chain that went on and on. Here was the simplest thing: a pretty girl liked him, and the day shone.**

"Scones," Camille said in disgust. "And cream? Making it all worse."

**Magnus gazed upon Camille. "Some of my fondest memories include lashings of cream and beautiful women."**

Camille giggled, it was a beautiful sound. But a sound not heard very often.

Her face became serious again, "I have met many vampires that do not like killing the mundanes. When I was fist turned I despised that part of me."

"What happened?" Magnus asked, because he had seen Camille on a hunt, she gave no mercy.

**"I want my people to be protected, strong, and not to be driven into corners until they either become killers or are killed!" **

**Sometimes he thought they were all forsaken, every soul on this earth**./

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Magnus said he would talk sense into Linette for Edmund and vowed not to use magic.

Edmund waited in the shadows as Magnus knocked on the door. It opened.

Edmund was right, Linette was beautiful. With her ink black hair reaching her waist, her big dark blue eyes in her pale youthful face.

Magnus smiled his exotic smile, "Miss Owens?"

She tucked a tuff of hair behind her ear and widened her eyes, "Yes?"

"I'm Magnus Bane. May I come in?"

"What is your business here?" She asked curiously.

"No business," Magnus replied. "Simply pleasure."

Linette Owens eyed him suspiciously, "That pleasure is?"

"My, my. Don't you have a lot of questions? I'm here on behalf of Edmund Herondale."

"Edmund?" Her whole face brightened up, "Is he here?" She looked behind Magnus.

"No, no I'm afraid not, only me." Magnus smiled, "Isn't that wonderful?"

**"I do not mean to seem indelicate or ungrateful," said Linette Owens, "but are you a dangerous lunatic?"**

Magnus laughed, "That is not the first time someone has said that to me."

At the end Edmund Herondale had to give up his Shadowhunter life for Linette.

They moved to The Whales country were demon activity was nonexistent.

Edmund was sad to leave it all behind, he took souvenirs from the 'good old days'. But was happy to start his new life with Linette. They got married and were excited for children.

**Years later Magnus would return to London and Camille Belcourt's side, and find it not all that he had dreamed. Years later another desperate Herondale boy with blue, blue eyes would come to his door, shaking with the cold of the rain and his own wretchedness, and this one Magnus would be able to help.**

**A/N **

**just a recap! These are all My version of the bane chronicles. I have not read the ones written by Cassandra Clare! Not yet. These are just shortened versions. With quotes from the real book. **

**Hope you all liked it. **


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